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PS 3515 
. U277 
F6 
1918 

Copy 1 WAR DEPARTMENT 

SERVICE EDITION NUMBER 7. 


FOR SHE'S A JOLLY 
GOOD FELLOW 


A Farce in One Act 


BY 

CAPTAIN RUPERT HUGHES 

n 


The use of this piece by courtesy of the Author. 
Dramatic Rights by courtesy of Sanger and Jordan 


Copyright, 191H, By Captain Rupert Huohus 


WASHINGTON 

Commission on Training Camp Activities 
Department of Dramatic Activities Among the 

Soldiers. 


1918. 




tj 


CF, 

\ 'it 




SEP -S 1918 

' M * ' ''N 


*. ©CI.D 50310 


FOR SHE’S A JOLLY HOOD FELLOW. 
CAST OF CHARACTERS 
Molly Minton, a Motormaniac. 

Otto Newton 
The 

Quinine 

Quartet 

Billiken, The Counter Tenor. 

Tom, The Second Tenor. 

Dick, The Baritone. 

Harry, The Bass. 

SCENE. 

A country road running through an autumn 
forest. A sign post with a sign: 

6 MILES TO QUINCY 
6 MILES TO DOVER 
DANGER 

Automobiles slow down to 6 miles an hour. 
During the scene the sun sets and the moon 
rises. 

PROPERTY PLOT. 

One practicable automobile. 

A jack. 

Two extra inner tubes. 

Monkey wrenches and other tools including an 
oil can, a hand pump and matches. 

Note— The musical numbers include college 
songs, a solo for Molly, an automobile song with 
an imitation of chugging machinery, horn, etc. 

The four members of the Quartet always speak 
in character from low to high; if they speak at 
the same time they speak in chords. 

In the distance the honk and chug of an 
automobile are heard off—and the voices of 
the QUININE QUARTET heard faintly in 
a college glee , punctuated with the sounds of 
the horn which should he a mellow Gabriel 
horn. The song leads to u Merrily We Roll 
Along” in the midst of which the car rolls 

3 


on the stage l. 1 e. It is loaded full with 
the five men, all of whom wear evening dress 
under long automobile coats. They wear 
light caps, but each has an opera hat in the 
car. OTTO wears a white silk muffler. 

When the car appears on the stage there is 
a sharp report and the left rear tire is punc¬ 
tured. The car reaches the middle of the 
stage and stops suddenly. The song comes 
to an end raggedly. 

Merrily we roll along, roll along, roll along 

Merrily we—merrily- 

All 4. Merrily we don’t roll along. (There is 
a loud explosion and the QUARTET piles out of 
the car in four different acrobatic ways.) 

Harry. (In bass voice) Roll out, boys, the 
ship is sinking. 

Dick. (In baritone, putting up his hands) I 
surrender, don’t shoot. 

Tom. (In tenor voice) Fireman, spare me 
child. 

Billiken. {Always in falsetto) Take me back 
to home and mother. 

All 4. (Gathering round the machine and talk¬ 

ing in staccato chords) What’s the matter? 
What’s the matter? Mister, tell us what’s the 
matter ? 

Otto. (Still seated in the car and trying all 
the effects) The blamed thing has stopped, you 
can see that, can’t you? 

All 4. (To the time u Over There”) 

Harry. Oh, yes, we— 

Dick. We—can see 

Billiken. That the blamed— 

Tom. Thing has stopped. 

All. But why don’t you start her? 

Oh, why don’t you start her? 

Otto. (Angrily) I’m going to in a minute. 
(He gets out and looks the machine over, the 



others imitating him.) 

All 4. What’s the matter? What’s the mat¬ 
ter? Mister, tell us what’s the matter? 

Otto. ( Angrily ) How can I tell until I look 
it up in the directory. There’s a little book I 
always carry. 

Harry. Entitled— 

Otto. “What to do when the auto ought to 
and won’t.” (He goes through his pockets one 
after another.) 

Billiken. (In high voice) Hurry up, old top. 

Tom. (Lower) Or we’ll be late. 

Dick. (Lower) To our dinner. 

Harry. ( Deeply ) Not to mention our con¬ 

cert. 

Otto. (In despair) Great Scott, I’ve left the 
book at home. 

All 4. Great Scott, he has left the book at 
home. 

Billiken. In his other clothes. 

Tom. Or on the piano. 

Dick. Or perhaps in the lower drawer of the 
bureau. 

Harry. If not under the bed. (Otto moves 
about touching various points and trying to crank 
up, but nothing happens. The others peer about 
and get in his way. He pushes them aside. He 
opens the hood, takes the little carburetor out and 
tries to fix it with a huge monkey-wrench. It falls 
apart .) 

Tom. Looks to me as if the gazingus didn’t gaz¬ 
ing. 

Dick. Put a little cream and sugar on the 
dooblat. 

Harry. It wants some sarsaparilla for that 
tired feeling. 

Billiken. Better send for Dr. Munyon. 

Otto. (Looking at the punctured tire) Ah! 

All 4. Ah ? Ah ! 


5 


Otto. For one thing, the tire is punctured. 

AlL 4. The tire is punctured, the tire is punc¬ 
tured, the tire-ire-ire is punctured. 

Otto. The first thing to do is to pump her up 
again. Here, lend a hand, you loafers. (He 
yets out a jack and with the aid of the others 
jacks up the rear of the car during the following 
dialogue.) 

Dick. I thought you said that you knew how 
to run a car? 

Otto. I thought I did. 

Tom. How long have you had this toy, anyway? 

Otto. I got it yesterday. This is my first run. 

Harry. And you dared to bring us out here 
in the deep dark woods just for practice? 

Dick. Kill him, fellows, lynch him. (They 
gather round him with various tools and weap¬ 
ons. ) 

Billiken. (In soprano style) Oh, spare him, 
oh, spare him! 

Otto. You see, I was as anxious to get over to 
Dover as you were. 

Harry. Oh, I see—what’s her name? 

Otto. Do you remember Miss Molly Minton, 
the beauty whom I brought to the Junior Prom? 

Harry. (In low voice) Also to the boat race? 

Dick. (Higher) Also to the football game? 

Tom. (Higher) Also to the baseball game. 

Harry. (Higher) Also to the basketball game. 

Otto. (As he works) That’s the girl. Molly 
is mad about motors; they call her the Motor- 
maniac. Well, she liked me very well, until she 
heard that I didn’t know anything about auto¬ 
mobiles. I couldn’t tell a carburetor from a lim¬ 
ousine. When she found that I couldn’t under¬ 
stand half she was saying, her affection cooled 
like a waterpipe in winter. She said that she 
was mad because she caught me kissing a pretty 
cousin of mine. 


6 


All 4. Naughty, naughty Otto! 

Otto. But I’m sure the real reason was my 
ignorance about automobiles. So I bought this 
beautiful car at a bargain, got it for a song. 

Harry. What was the name of the song? 

Otto. Molly lives in Dover, and I thought I 
would take the machine over and lay it at her 
feet. 

Tom. I’d like to see her feet. 

Dick. Why don’t you wait till Christmas? 

Billiken. And put it in her stocking. 

Harry. Looks as if we’d arrive there about 
Christmas. 

Dick. Or New Year’s. 

Tom. Oh Washington’s birthday. 

Billiken. Or the Fourth of July. 

Otto. Molly told me never to speak to her 
again, so I bought this car hoping it would speak 
for me. 

All 4. Honk ! Honk! 

Otto. I even named it after her—see —(He 
points to the hack of the car.) Molly. There it 
is, Molly. 

Billiken. (Squeezing the horn ) Molly isn’t 
feeling well. 

Otto. Well, now that we’ve fixed the tire, you 
fellows get busy with the pump. (Tom and Dirk 
affix the pump to the inner tube and Tom be¬ 
gins to pump.) 

Harry. Man the pumps, the ship is sinking. 

Billiken. (Sings) Pumpman, spare my 
child. 

Otto. Shut up. (He throws the monkey- 
wrench at him, he goes to the radiator and takes 
off a cap. A jet of steam shoots up in the air 
and he drops the cap. All except Tom at the 
pump, fall over in their desire to escape.) Nothing 
doing, I can’t find out what’s the matter. 

Harry. What do you propose to do? 

7 


Otto. There’s nothing to do but wait here till 
somebody comes along and gives us a lift. 

Harry. A Ford, a Ford, my kingdom for a 
Ford. 

Tom. Here, Dick, it’s your turn. ( Dick takes 
his place at the pump, and Tom sinks on the foot¬ 
board exhausted.) 

Harry. While we’re waiting we might as well 
take another whack at that new song. We were 
jolly rotten last time. 

(They sing a QUARTET, Dick pumping, Tom 
fanning, Otto moving about poking his finger 
here and there. At the end of the song, Harry 
mounts the forward part of the machine and pos¬ 
ing as a look out, gazes into the distance off r.) 

Dick. Say, this blamed pump leaks, or some¬ 
thing. I’ve pushed enough air in here to float a 
flock of balloons. 

Billiken. (In falsetto voice) What you need 
is muscle—let Sandow try. (He takes the pump.) 

Harry. (Turning and gazing off l., starts and 
stares) Sail ho! 

Otto. Whither away. 

Harry. On the larboard bow. 

All. Saved! Saved! ( Business of ship¬ 

wrecked crew.) 

Otto. Does it look like a horse or a mule- 

p 

Harry. It looks like a girl. 

( )tto. Oh, Lord ! 

All 4. A lady, a lady, what ho, a lady. (All 
four begin to brush up. They take off their long 
coats, toss their caps into the machine and put 
on their opera hats.) 

Harry. Remember, I saw her first. (MOLLY 
MINTON enters l. She has been fishing and car¬ 
ries a rod and tackle, and a basket; she wears a 
hat and a long mosquito netting veil, a jacket , 
a stock; a short skirt and high boots. She is 
tired and enters with heavy feet. When she sees 

8 



the men in line, she draws herself up haughtily 
and passes them coldly, each one lifting his hat 
arid making a low how. Otto has been gloomily 
working at the front of the car. As Molly passes 
him he looks after her carelessly, seems to recog¬ 
nize her with a start and hurries after her. He 
overtakes her just before she makes her exit r.) 

Otto. (Gap in hand) I beg your pardon. 

Molly. Sir! (She pauses.) 

Otto. Isn’t this you? This is me! 

Molly. Sir! (She starts to go.) 

Otto. (Lowering his voice and getting ahead 
of her) Isn’t this Molly—Miss Minton, I mean? 

Molly. Sir! (She moves on, the I Quartet 

laugh a musical ha-ha!) 

Otto. ( Softly ) Don’t turn me down before 

all the fellows. 

Molly. How dare you speak to me? 

Otto. But, Molly, she really was my cousin. 

Molly. (Coldly) So you told me. So you 
wrote me. 

Otto. It was true. 

Molly. Do you see any green in my eye ? Sup¬ 
pose she was your cousin; you didn’t have to kiss 
her under the rose. 

Otto. I kissed her under the nose. (The Quar¬ 
tet moves forward ingratiatingly, hat in hand. 
Otto waves them back.) Get out! (Molly starts.) 
I didn’t mean vou. I mean the other fellows. 

Molly. What are you doing here? On your 
way to call on another girl ? 

Otto. If I were calling on a girl, do you sup¬ 
pose I’d have that gang along with me? (Molly 
sniffs.) I always came alone when I called on 
vou. 

c- 

Molly. Indeed. The story doesn’t interest 
me. Move on. 

Otto. But I can’t, my automobile- 

Molly. (Interested) Your automobile? When 

9 



did you get an automobile? 

Otto. Yesterday. I got it for you. I was 
coming over to take you out. But it won’t budge. 

Molly. What’s the matter with it? 

Otto. I haven’t the faintest idea. I’ve only 
taken six lessons at the garage. 

Molly. ( Excitedly ) Now you interest me. 

Maybe I can help you. 

Otto. If you will. I’ll be yours for life. 

Molly. No, thank you. 

Otto. May I introduce the fellows? 

Molly. What will they think of my being out 
here alone. You see, I was fishing and I didn’t 

realize how late I was. Introduce me as Miss- 

Miss-er-my machine is a Mercedes, call 

me Miss—er—Mary Mercedes. 

Otto. ( Delighted ) All right. ( Turning) 
Attention, gentlemen. I have the honor to pre¬ 
sent you to Miss Mary Locomobile- 

Molly. Mercedes, idiot. 

Otto. Mercedes idiot. This is the Quinine 
Quartet. Billiken, Tom, Dick and Harry. There 
is the basement. 

Harry. (In deep tone) Pleased to meet you. 
(Molly bows.) 

Otto. Very happy to make your acquaintance. 
(Molly bows.) 

Otto. One flight up. 

Tom. Glad to know you. (Molly bows.) 

Otto. The attic. 

Billiken. Delighted! (Molly bows.) 

All 4. (In chords) Thank you very kindly, 
we are very pleased to meet you, glad to know 
you, and delighted. Amen ! 

Otto. (Wearily) Miss Loco Mercedes is my 
cousin. 

Dick. Still another cousin ? Or the same who 
caused your trouble with Molly? 

Otto. (Aside) Shut up! and get back to the 

10 






pump. (Dick goes to the pump and works gloom¬ 
ily eyeing Molly admiringly.) 

Molly. ( Looking the machine over in a busi¬ 
ness-like way) What seems to be the matter? 

Otto. That’s for you to say ? 

Molly. What have you done? 

Otto. I’ve pushed and pulled everything that 
would move and unscrewed everything that 
wasn’t welded on. 

Molly. ( Looking at Dick who begins pump¬ 
ing for dear life. She begins to laugh) What’s 
that for? 

Tom. He’s taking his morning exercise. 

Molly. You’re pinched! ( All hold up their 

hands) I mean your inner tube is pinched. 

Dick. (Hand on stomach) 1 am hungry. 

Molly. Take off your shoe. 

Dick. ( Stops pumping and sitting on the 
ground starts to take off his shoe) Anything to 
oblige a lady. 

Molly. Stop it. I mean this. ( Laying hand 
on the tire.) 

Otto. ( Bewildered) How do you go at it? 

Molly. Here, take these. ( She gives her fish¬ 
ing rod to Billiken , her basket to Tom, her gloves 
to Dick, and her hat to Harry. They bow and 
deposit them on the car. She works busily get¬ 
ting the shoe off, finds a new inner tube in the 
tool box, puts it in, all the while whistling gaily 
and pushing the men aside as they try to help 
her.) Now put that shoe on again, and pump 
like the devil. (Tom and Dick put the shoe back 
in place and Torn begins to pump. The tire now 
fills rapidly. Molly goes to the front of the car, 
followed by Billiken and Harry.) Well, what 
have you done to the poor car? 

Otto. First—I twisted these things on this. 

Molly. Aha! 

Otto. Aha! 


11 


Molly. How could you? Why did you? 

Otto. That’s what 1 say. Why did I ? 

Molly. Why, you threw the vibrator right out 
of commission. 

Otto. Did I? (Laying his hand on his heart) 
Well, you’ve thrown my vibrator out of commis¬ 
sion. 

Molly. And you told me she was your cousin. 
Humph! Where’s your monkey-wrench? 

Otto. I threw it at the tenor. 

Molly. Go get it. 

Otto. The tenor? 

Molly. No, the monkey—wrench. (Otto goes 
to get the monkey-wrench, while he is looking 
for it, Harry approaches Molly admiringly, Billi- 
ken folloivs close. Harry gives him a backward 
shove to a distance. Taking off his hat, he comes 
close to Molly.) 

Harry. I beg your pardon, Miss Mercedes, but 
would you mind wearing my fraternity pin ? 

Molly. Delighted; what is your fraternity? 

Harry. (Taking the pin from his waistcoat and 
handing it to her ) Iota Eta Pi. 

Molly. Did he? I mean, is it? Why, that’s 
my brother’s fraternity. 

Harry. And I want to give you the secret 
sign. It’s like this. (He puts his thumb to his 
right ear and waggles his fingers). 

Molly. That’s beautiful, like this? (She imi¬ 
tates him.) 

Harry. Glorious. 

Otto. (Returns and pushes Harry away) 
Here’s your monkey-wrench. (Harry stands at a 
distance and makes the sign. Molly imitates it. 
Otto looks at her in surprise, and she pretends to 
be fixing her hair. Then she takes the monkey- 
wrench and sets the screws in the radiator). 

Otto. You must trust me, Molly. 

Molly. Miss Mercedes, please. You ask me 

12 


to trust a man who treats a poor innocent little 
automobile like this. (She throws the monkey- 
wrench to the ground.) 

Otto. Ouch. (He nurses his foot.) 

Molly. Excuse me. What else did you do? 

Otto. W T ell, I took out this—what you may 
call it- 

Molly. The carburetor. 

Otto. Is that the carburetor? 

Molly. It was. 

Otto. Well, I took carby apart and when I 
put him together again, these two parts were left 
over. (He picks them up.) 

Molly. (Taking them) Well, you oughtn’t 
to be allowed out after dark. 

Billiken. Right you are. 

Molly. Why, you’ve put your carburetor out 
of adjustment, omitted the valve and reversed 
the float. 

Otto. Have I, really? 

Molly. You ought to run a baby carriage. 
Get far away while I mend this. (Otto retires 
to a distance while Molly works.) 

Billiken. (Stealing close to her) Miss Mer¬ 
cedes, you’re a great girl. W T ould you honor me 
by wearing my fraternity pin? 

Molly. Why, certainly. What one is it? 

Billiken. Phi, phi, phi! 

Molly. It’s almost like swearing, isn’t it? 
Do you know that’s my brother’s fraternity ? 

Billiken. Really? Isn’t that fascinating. 
(Gives her the pin, which she sticks in her waist) 
And you must know the secret sign. It’s like 
this. (He puts his thumbs on the top of his head 
like long ears. Business of her imitating it.) 
Delicious! Don’t forget. (Otto comes forward 
and pushes him away jealously.) 

Molly. Never. (She goes to the dash and 
moves the switch just as Otto lays his hand on the 

13 



sparking play. There is a buzz and a spark and 
he jumps in the air. She runs to him hastily.) 
What are you monkeying with? 

Otto. I touched this thing and it bit me. 

Molly. Let the sparking plug alone. You’ve 
bent the wires too. 

(She straightens them hastily, her hair falling 
loose, and a bit of false hair hanging low.) You 
ought to have thrown off your switch. 

Tom. ( Aside to Dick) The lady has thrown 
off her own switch in her excitement. 

Molly. W T here’s your cap? 

Otto. ( Taking off his cap ) Here you are. 

Molly. ( Knocking it flying) The cap for the 
radiator, I mean. 

Otto. (Picking up the radiator cap) This? 

Molly. (Seizing it) That. (She screws it on 
the radiator) Why did you take it off anyway? 

Otto. I just wanted to see what happened. 

Molly. What happened? Vesuvius? 

Otto. (Imitating) Siss—boom—ah ! 

Molly. Princeton! Say who let you take this 
car out anyway? 

Otto. I may not know much about motors, 
but I love you, Molly. 

Molly. Cut it out. Cousin—humph ! Go on 
and crank up. (Otto goes forward to the crank 
and Tom hastily steps up to Molly.) 

Tom. Miss Mercedes, you’re a corker, would 
you mind wearing my fraternity pin? 

Molly. Delighted. He takes her hand just 
as Otto cranks up, the car rolls forward on him.) 
Let go that clutch. 

Tom. (Falls back) Excuse me. 

Molly. I don’t mean you. (Seizes the fra 
ternity pin, puts it on and runs round to the 
emergency brake and throws it on.) 

Molly. Now crank up again. (Otto turns the 
crank and there is an explosion and back fire and 

14 


he is thrown to the ground. Molly runs, picks 
him up, dusts him off.) You ought to have re¬ 
tarded your spark. 

Otto. I’ll wait as long as you say. 

Molly. You poor thing, your hand is all 
bruised. (She takes off her stock and binding 
his hand, makes a sling of it.) 

Harry. (To Dick, looking on angrily) And 
she’s wearing my fraternity pin. (He makes the 
secret sign and shakes his head. She doesn’t see 
him and he walks angrily away and sits down back 
of the car sulking.) 

Billiken. (To Dick) She’s got my pin on, and 
look at the way she mollycoddles him. (He 
makes his secret sign, she ignores it and he joins 
Harry on the ground.) 

Molly. (To Otto, gently) Are you sure she 
was your cousin? 

Otto. I swear by yon pale- 

Molly. Speaking of pale—we need some water. 
Here, you! (She whistles between her fingers) 
(The others jump. She points at Tom) Will you 
go to the brook down there? (Pointing r.) and 
get some water? 

Tom. (Chanting) Anything to oblige a lady. 
But what’ll I carry it in? 

Molly. Use your hat. (He looks at her in 
dismay) Step lively! (Tom moves off r.) And 
don’t wake the fish. (Tom bows and exit. She 
jumps into the car and moves the lever on the 
steering wheel, then from there whistles to Dick, 
who jumps) Get busy on the crank there! 

Dick. This one? (Laying hold of Otto.) 

Molly. That one! (Pointing to the crank.) 

Dick. (Taking the crank, moves it with great 
difficulty.) 

Molly. Oh, I see. You’re cranking on the 
magneto. 

Dick. (Meekly) Am I? Excuse me. 

15 



Otto. How dare you crank on the magneto in 
the presence of a lady. (He walks away gloating¬ 
ly. Molly jumps down, runs to the compression 
cocks on each cylinder.) 

Dick. You’re a wonder, Miss Mercedes, and I 
should esteem it an honor if you would wear 
my- 

Molly. ( Hastily) Your fraternity pin. Cer¬ 
tainly. It’s my brother’s fraternity. (She sticks 
the pin on her waist as she works, then takes off 
her jacket, puts it into Dick’s outstretched hand, 
pushes him away and cranks up herself. The 
machine chugs irregularly, then there are heavy 
explosions and a stream of sparks shoots out 
from the muffler at the tail of the car. Billiken 
and Harry who are seated there sulking turn 
somersaults to get out of the way. They sit on the 
ground- at a safe distance and stare.) 

Billiken. Fourth of July has came! 

Molly. (Sternly) Do you know what caused 
that? 

Otto. You can search me. 

Molly. Your muffler isn’t clean. 

Otto. (Taking his muffler from his neck) 
Why, mother just gave it to me for my birthday. 

Molly. (Knocking it aside) Don’t bother me. 
Is your timer set right? 

Otto. (Taking out his watch) No, that isn’t 
going either. But I know it’s late. 

Molly. I see the ground is broken, too. 

Otto. (To Dick) Did you break the ground? 

Molly. (Rolling up her sleeves, finds where 
the battery wire leads to the engine) Ah, no 
wonder. (She fixes.) 

Dick. No wonder! As I was saying, my frater¬ 
nity’s secret sign is- (Molly pushes him aside, 

stops the engine, runs to the vibrator, fixes it. 
Tom enters r. with his hat full of water.) 

Tom. Here you are. 


16 




Molly. Don’t bother me. (She knocks the hat 
aside and the water is spilled down Dick’s neck. 
He dances ’round wildly, while Molly unheedingly 
tests the carburetor, then pauses, thinks, ex¬ 
claims) Aha? 

All. Aha!! 

Molly. (Suddenly) How’s your feed? 

Otto. I beg your pardon. 

Molly. How’s the gasoline feeding? 

Harry. I’ll ask it. (He bends down under the 
car) Gasoline—oh, gasoline—how are you feed- 
ing? 

Billiken. (From the other side of the car ) 
Very well, thank you. 

Harry. (Facing Molly and saluting) Gasoline’s 
compliments and he’s feeding very well, thank 
you. 

Molly. I don’t believe him. Good-bye. 

All. Good-bye. You’re not leaving us out 
here alone? 

Otto. Where are you going? 

Molly. Under the car. 

Otto. I can’t permit it. Let me go. 

Molly. (Scornfully) What good could you do? 

Harry. Go away. Permit me. 

All. Permit me. (All get on their knees.) 

Molly. Get up, you’re mere men. You don’t 
know anything. (She crawls under the car.) 

Billiken. Oh, see the mouse. (Molly begins to 
scream and kick, she scrambles out and climbs on 
top of the car, holding her skirts about her.) 

Molly. Who said mouse—where? Where? 

Harry. And we’re mere men ! (Looking under 

the car) It wasn’t a mouse after all. 

Molly. If I hear any more from you men, I’ll 
leave you here all night. 

Tom. Oh, please come down. 

All 4. (Sing) Come down, sweet evening star. 

(Molly comes down, rattles a stick under the 


car timidly, imitates a cat and a dog, then gets 
under again shivering with fear. She disconnects 
the gasoline feed pipe, takes a bit of waste out, 
connects up again, and crawls out. Her hair is 
disarranged and each of the men hands her a comb 
or a hairpin that she has dropped. She puts up 
her hair hastily and each of the men hands her 
some part of her equipment in turn, her jacket, 
gloves, fishing basket, hat and fishing rod.) 

Molly. Now, gentlemen, your ear is all right 
and I’ll be on my way. Good night, good luck. 

All 4. Excuse me, but may I not escort you 
home, fair maiden? ( Each secretly makes the 
sign .) 

Molly. I wouldn’t dream of troubling you. 
You have your concert, you know. 

Harry. And she has my fraternity pin. 

Dick. ( Higher) And mine. 

Tom. ( Higher ) And mine! 

Billiken. ( In falsetto) Not to mention mine. 

Molly. (Gaily) Good-nigh t, all. (She moves 

R.) 

Otto. (Following her and heading her off ) 
Molly, you can’t turn me adrift like this. 

Molly. (Humming mockingly) She was a 
cousin of mine, just a cousin of mine. Go your 
way. 

Otto. I’m afraid to without you. I’d never get 
there. If you leave us out in the woods we might 
be eaten alive. 

Molly. By a mouse. 

Otto. I can’t live without you, Molly, dear, 
and my hand hurts me terribly—Oo-oo-! 

Molly. (Relentingly) You’re sure she was 
your really, truly cousin? 

Otto. I give you my word. 

Molly. Cross your heart and swallow fish 
hooks? 

Otto. All those and more. I bought the car 

18 



i.. 


for you, Molly. It’s no use to me without you. 

Molly. It’s a very nice car. A girl would 
forgive a good deal for an auto like that. 

Otto. Be my chauffeur for life. 

Molly. Will you promise never to go out with¬ 
out me? 

Otto. I’d never dare to. 

Molly. And you’ll never take that cousin out ? 

Otto. Never! 

Molly. Then crank up! Your sparker is re¬ 
tarded. (They embrace. Harry, who has lighted 
one of the lamps, standing in front of it so that 
Otto and Molly are in the shadow, now steps 
aside, and the full light reveals the lovers in each 
other’s arms.) 

(All four strike up Mendelssohn’s Wedding 
March, humming without words.) 

Molly. All ready, boys? Throw in your jack. 

Harry. Which one? (The four take the jack 
from the rear of the car. Molly cranks up. The 
machine chugs. All hound into the car at once. 
Molly in the chauffeur’s seat, Otto alongside, the 
rest piled in a heap in the rear, or forming a 
human pyramid. Molly throws off the emergency 
brake, and starts the car. All sing: (< For she’s 
a jolly good fellow.”) 

CURTAIN. 


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